My parents have visited our three homes in the States, from Buffalo, to LA, to Seattle. When told that they stayed with us 3 months each time, American friends will look so surprised and sympathetic: “what?! They will stay with you for 3 months?! You mean 3 months” Our Chinese friends will also express their surprise: “what?! They are ONLY here for 3 months? Why not 6 months.” So I guess 3 months is a very awkward period of time, too long for Americans and too short for my Chinese fellows.
I am not sure that’s because Chinese are suppose to have better relationship with their parents. There are a lot of considerations out of economic factors. My parents had to travel to another city 1000 miles away to apply for American visa and twice they went back home with broken hearts-visa denied. The expense for one visa-application trip (approved or not) is about $500-equal two months of my mom’s retirement subsidy. And two tickets to fly over Pacific Ocean will worth her one-year subsidy. No smart Chinese will think it a good deal for such a short stay, of, well, 3 months. Why not 6 months? Why not 12 months? Isn’t visa good at least 6 months?
My mom is a very modern Chinese woman in many senses-she only wanted 1 baby when she could have had more; for a very long time before her retirement, she made more money than my farther did; She is straightforward and outspoken, very atypical trait of Chinese women of her generation. Nonetheless, she can’t be cool with her child. Like many parent of only-child in China, she thinks she is forever in debt with her child, and nothing cheers her more than being with her (o, I mean me).
Then why they are here only 3 months? That’s about the maximum that our honeymoon can last. Life is a comedy with tears. One of my American friend told me that the house will collapse if she and her mom (even she’s over 80) stay under the same roof for 3 weeks. That makes me feel very proud about the enduring patience of myself and my mom, both of whom are very strong-minded people (or strong-minded only around each other) and sometimes can be quite drama Qs. Being treated as a guest in the house frustrated her, and being treated still as a teenager pissed me off (that might be a sign that I am still teenager in spirit).
I told my manager today that my parents are leaving this weekend; she did not say: “oh, so soon, why don’t they stay longer?” instead, she smiles like a flower: “now you can run your own house”. Guess is she a Chinese or American? How psyched!-I never told her of anything about the power struggle in my family. How does she know?!