life is elsewhere

Many years later, I would still remember in 5 days of my life, I had a family of five. For 5 days, I was a proud mom of 3 beautiful daughters, Fifi, Aiai and Momo. The brief moments we gathered in NICU nursery, we were five. Fifi dictated her father to lift her up and move from Aiai’s incubator to Momo’s, and back and forth, so she could get a good look at of her two baby sisters, to see how they look alike yet so different (in size). She’s so proud to become a big sister to two baby girls. The next weekend she came back to NICU, only one incubator stood alone; she’s got only one baby sister left. I wonder if she would still remember, when she grows up, one Sunday afternoon in January, in Evergreen hospital at Kirkland, we were a family of five and she’s a proud big sister of two baby girls.  When death came along, it took more than just a life, it changes so many things in so many perspectives, and shatters so many dreams, small and large-dreams for the mom and dad to walk with adorable twin girls in a a double stroller, dreams to have 3 daughters around when we grow old, dreams to take a greater responsibility in raising a big family. I wonder if Momo will ever recognize her identical twin sister in her inexplicable dreams where she sees the split image of herself. I’m certain there is some special connection between them and only she feels her lost sister, without being told. In such dreams, will she weep? Will she run to embrace her dear sister for her sad mom who wanted so much to see her lost daughter in dream?